And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
