I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
