I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
