yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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