I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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