hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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