I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize