What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
