So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
