mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
