Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
