I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
