Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
