they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
