sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
