VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
