my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
bring money and cleavage
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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