So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
