I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
