can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
