You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We are all done wearing pants today
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
