Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
