he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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