matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
