Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
