Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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