I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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