matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
