U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize