a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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