peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This baby is an asshole
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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