I think my fart just growled at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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