think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
