im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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