you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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