I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
