We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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