My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
