So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
