Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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