just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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