she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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