I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.