I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT