I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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