Moan for me like Helen Keller
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
