So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
