So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
