I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
