uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
