Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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