imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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