Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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