I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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