with your own penis?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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