Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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