mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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