I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
