i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
