Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
