So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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