how can u be prego again
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
