one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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