I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
