You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
