I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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