Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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