Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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