i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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