I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im six kinds of drunk right now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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